I watched a movie once. It about a boy who checked himself into a mental hospital cuz he had issues. I thot the movie was stupid actually cuz his issues were…trivial (or so I thot). Looking at it now I can totally relate. I'm at the point in my life where I dunno where anything is going. I wonder if my luck has run out. I wonder if I’ll find that high roller we all used to dream about. I hate waiting. I wish I could fast forward my life and wake up this time next year. I was gonnna say wake up when it has all worked out but I wonder if there is such a thing. Is there such a thing as it working out? By 'it' I mean life. Does it ever work out. Do we ever get everything we always dreamed of? Are we happy when we get it? Does it crush us if we don’t? I know blogs are supposed to be entertaining or at least interesting. I dunno if this is either. I know it’s depressing though but i guess its cuz it reflects my state of mind. Like that Anna Nalick song that says “these words are my diary screaming out loud and im gonna let u use them however u want to”…. I know that song was supposed to be consoling but I dunno why it isn’t. Or maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it was supposed to "say suck it up and quit whining ".
I miss Uni tho. Those were good years. Unlike most people that fell for the glitz that leaving school promised. I remember I didn’t, I knew it was a trap. Uni provided such a cocoon. You could be whatever u wanted to be in those years. Lotsa money, tons of potential and no pressure. I feel better just thinking about it. Its all so ironic. You spend every waking moment thinking about how great its gonna be on the other side. How you cant wait to grow up.
I look back and I understand the idea behind Peter Pan. The writer called Peter Pan's friends the 'lost boys' but i know he was just jealous. We all wish we could escape to 'Never Never Land'. and never have to do anything at all. No responsibilities, no liabilities...nothing. Sheer bliss.
Amidst all this seeming hopelessness that growing up brings, it still has its moments. None compare the bliss that being a child is, but its life. so just breathe...and suck it up.
